How to Talk to Your Kids about Internet Safety: Roblox edition
How to Talk to Your Kids about Internet Safety: Roblox edition.
A 4S test case.
Our son just got really into Roblox and was chattering to us happily after screen time was over. He mentioned something another player said on his way out of the kitchen. “Is this a game where the players talk with each other?” my husband asked. I could hear tension in his voice.
“Yes, but only typing what you want to say,” our son explained, starting to walk up the stairs.
“You know that…” my husband started to yell after our son. I stopped him.
“Later,” I said. I took a deep sigh and my husband mimicked me. My husband looked like he was about to keep shouting internet safety instructions at our son, who was already upstairs. I asked him to look at me. “Later,” I repeated, again sighing. As I could tell my husband could really see me now, I said, “Let’s try something about this at dinner. It’s a better time, and that way we can include both the boys. We can make sure they are really hearing us.” My husband sighed again and let his shoulders relax.
Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash
That night at dinner, our son was regaling us with exciting tales of the flash flood he had outsmarted during Roblox that day. We listened carefully, exclaiming our wonder at all the right parts. When he’d been heard I could tell he might be ready to hear us. “Daddy has something to tell you about internet safety and kids. He knows a lot about that.”
The boys looked up attentively. “Score!” said my inner monologue. They were not always interested like this. My husband did a great job and started asking questions about situations.
“What do you do if another player asks you for your real name?” The kids immediately launched into all sorts of scenarios about not telling personal information. It turned out the school had done a great job educating them about internet safety tips and they had taken it seriously.
“There can be creepy grownups pretending to be kids,” said one boy.
“Yes, players will only talk about stuff in the game. If they ask about stuff in the real world I won’t talk to them,” said the other.
“Yeah, my real friends would already know my player name and won’t need to ask for my real name,” said the first.
Sounds like they had gotten the message. Job done. Right?
No, of course not. We will need to continue to monitor parental controls and kid safe settings. We will continue to ask them questions about their gaming and the types of conversations they may have.
We will work hard to create an open environment where they will tell us what’s going on. At the same time we will watch over them in case they get in a sticky situation and don’t tell us everything.
How I used the 4S's of Parenting Leadership:
Did you notice what happened in my initial conversation with my husband? Most of the time I have talked about the 4 S’s as something you do for yourself to step out of anxiety into a creative mindful leadership. But it works as a couple and a couple can ping pong it to each other. Take a look:
THE 4S’s: When you feel a SHOULD, STOP, SIGH and SEE. Then do SOMETHING.
When you feel a SHOULD coming on, STOP. Just pause. Don’t act instantly.
SIGH. Take a deep breath. A long slow one. Imagine it’s a sigh of relief, as if everything is OK. And if you can, remember that you are enough. You are what your child needs.
SEE. Look at your child. Ask yourself what your child needs right now. Do they need you to do something, or do they need to figure it out for themselves?
Then (and only then) do SOMETHING. Even if that something is nothing.
I don’t care what you do next. It really doesn’t matter. It does not matter if you get it wrong. Because if you STOP, SIGH & SEE before you do SOMETHING, you will build skills quickly. You will get to know your child. ©Alison Escalante MD/The Primary Carer
So how did this come into play with my husband? I started to see him jumping into communication that was not going to be effective. He was feeling an urge to protect, but he was reacting to a Should. “I should make sure my son knows about internet safety for kids.” We never do our best when we are acting out a should, so I Stopped him. He was still acting anxious, so I Sighed, which relaxed me and started to affect him. Then I made sure he was Seeing me by making eye contact, and we Sighed together. Later, we tried Something.
The try Something step doesn’t have to be right then. When you Stop, Sigh and See you may decide that the right time to try Something is indeed later. Or another way to put it is your something right now is waiting and trying again another time.
Internet Safety for Kids
Great website with resources on understanding and teaching internet safety for kids from a pediatric hospital.
Great tutorial for different devices on setting parental controls to protect your kids.
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